Losing A Loved One..

I lost my sister in 2001. They said that the pain would get easier, but each year it seems to get harder for me and I know all she wanted was for me to be happy. 9 October 2019- it will be 17 years since she has passed. 

Some people may think that I am foolish to feel this way, but that is just me. I cannot express to anyone how this cut me deep. I am the eldest and she was the second eldest- we were basically like twins. Dressed the same, thought the same.. Did everything together. She was my best friend. She was basically the only person I ever trusted wholeheartedly. She was my Ride or Die chick. She filled the space for me in my eldest kids life as Dad. She helped me like any parent would when it came to my two eldest kids. Jocelyn was more out going and I was more of the home body. She loved experiencing new things. The time when my sister got sick- it was too much for me, instead of me always been home, I started going out more- something I did not do alone, but that time around I did not care of just going out on my own. I just could not cope with seeing my sister in so much pain. 
9th October 2001 was one of the worst days of my life, got a call to go an identify my sister, imagine going to identify a loved ones body- who had so much life in her, my best friend, my sister πŸ’”πŸ˜­. But I had to, then it was facing her son, her only son and telling him Mommy is not coming home (TRAGEDY).. Going to my sisters funeral in Pietermaritzburg made my mourning process even worse. People were talking about her. When you do not understand something- you start gossiping and saying all types of "Vile" things. My sister died of Bronconeumonia- she suffered with her chest from really young ( Now people gossiped and said she died of Aids). That threw me so off. I became angry and violent- if the person who spread these rumors was in front of me that day, she would of seen heaven sooner- because God know's what I would of done. It is so difficult for a family to lose a loved one, especially when the person was always the light of the family and then hear how disgustingly people can talk. Everyone that knew Jocelyn, knew she had morals and standards. 

My days get harder because there are things I need to share with her, experiences we could of made happen together. Today the 30/01/2019- is her birthday and she would of been 37 today. Oh Jos how I wish you were here sis. I know by now you would of been prepping for my "BIG" birthday in September. It makes it a little easier knowing that you are an Angel now, protecting all of your loved ones.. I hope you see my efforts sis, it has been a long hard road since you be gone, but all I can do is keep trying. I hope you are proud of all the things I am taking on in lifeπŸ’“πŸ™..

Though death happens a lot in life, it's hard to deal with. Getting through the loss of a loved one takes time and everyone's journey of healing is unique. Everyone is different and sometimes the journey can seem more than we can bear. When this happens, we should remember to be grateful for the time we spent with our loved ones and know that they're in a better place. Even though it is never easy, the right support and guidance can help you get through it. 

           Life must continue, and you will grow from the loss and learn to live with it.

Psalm 34:18 - The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.

Dedicated to my sister: Jocelyn Ramona Coetzee aka Jocey (Jos).. RIP sis (born: 30/01/1982- passed away: 09/10/2001)


Alisha Valerie said…
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your sister. Sending you and your family so much love. πŸ’œ

With love, Alisha Valerie x | www.alishavalerie.com
Tiffany said…
So sorry for the loss of your sister! She sounds wonderful! Grief is unfortunately ever lasting. Never mind those horrible people gossiping. Continue being the woman your sister wanted you to be!
Karen said…
I’m sorry for your loss and understand the grief. I lost my mom and one of my sisters to breast cancer just 2 weeks apart in 2004. Since then another sister has faught the same battle and is almost 5 years free. I just had a double mastectomy and reconstruction to try to prevent the disease as they found an area in one with cells changing and recommended. My sis had 2 kids and they live with her in their hearts. I’ve gotta post on grief. Please check it out. Best, Karen
Sofia said…
Grief doesn’t ever really go away. We’re always missing the ones we’ve lost. But I believe that death ends a life, not a relationship. You’ll always love your sister and she’ll always love you. Thinking of you!

x Sofia
Shenika said…
The pain doesn’t go away. It doesn’t change, but you do. Which in time allows for navigation through life accepting that this person will be with you in your heart, but that they are not with you physically.
Sarah Winton said…
I am so sorry for your loss.

Tiffany said…
Hi there! So sorry about your beloved sister! I loved the scripture from Psalms. No matter what people say, you know the truth and so what, how she died doesn't matter. All your heart knows is there is a hole in it because she's gone. Hang on to your memories!
Hugs and love your way


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