Introducing kids to a new flame...
I think parents have to be very careful of just introducing anyone to their kids. Sometimes the case is that it is just too soon for a child or it can be that the parent is not stable enough.
Psychologists peg that "family" separations are the worst experiences humans endure. Parents must take consideration of the "kids" feelings before their own. The child maybe so used of seeing mummy and daddy together, then they separate and one of the parents rushes into a new relationship too quickly- then they want to introduce the child to the new flame... I think that is so unfair and so traumatic for a child. Parents need to give the kids time to adjust from the separation. They cannot be part of any Sue, Jane or Mary walking into Daddies life or vice versa. Go through your Sue, Jane or Mary and when you know this is really what you want, then you can gradually start talking to your kids. It is not healthy for you as well to just jump into a new relationship, we all need time to heal and fix ourselves- but that is up to you because you are an adult- but with the kids it is totally different. Choose the right time instead of just putting this news on them. What also needs to be taken into consideration: is who your ex wants in your child's life. So there has to be talks between the two of you. Remember your kid has been through a very traumatic separation. They need you and all of you more than anything. So their feelings need to be put first before your own.Someone new in your life is often viewed by the kids as a threat. Also the kids have a strong sense of loyalty towards their other parent. When you introduce your kids to someone you dating, it can create an internal conflict within them. They are torn between being loyal to their other parent and pleasing you.
- It is best to shelter your kids completely from your dating life during the first year of your new relationship- kids are very sensitive to any changes. The one thing they wanted the most is for mom and dad to last forever.
- Go slow with introducing the new person. Kids become anxious that the new person is taking over and they will mean less in your life.
-Studies say it is advisable for the parent who has someone to introduce the other parent first to this new person in your life before the kids.
-Be smart of who you choose to date. You need to consider your kids needs before your own. The new person must accept that they will always be second after the kids..
Kids before anything...
Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.